I hate insomnia and meds. They both suck. Meds more though. Cause they're what's giving me insomnia. And with having to work most mornings and the meds not even doing what they're supposed to, It kind of defeats the purpose.

Ooooohhhhhhh and on a lighter notte, my dog has barked so much the past 2 weeks that he's hoarse. It's rather funny. Poor little guy.

So this sucks majorly. I've been to the stupid hospital twice in the past 2 days. First time I was in the ER, and the ssecond time was to get some bloodwork done. I have absolutely no idea what's wrong. So yeah.......

Cinnabon Cinnamon rolls for breakfast, a swift bike ride, and a hot shower. Sounds like a lovely day. New books to boot for after work. Now all I'm missing is.....

Oddly angry. I've been listening to Justin Timberlake's Cry Me a River (Don't make fun of me. I like that song) and I'm angry because of it. I want to go out and yell "CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER BITCH" and I have no idea. I just want to destroy shit.

I really need to start thinking before I do stupid shit. I feel so strung tight right now.. Like Anytihng and everything is going to set me off... I've exploded twice this week... once on someone very important to me... I've got to stop this... I need to stop taking this stupid medicine, but i can't... Stupid doctor wont let me... It's screwing with my emotions and my mood... I HATE MYSELF!

Is anybody listening,
Can you hear my voice
I want to be loved,
But that is not my choice.

I don't know where I am
Or anybody around
I do want to be noticed,
But I wont make a sound.

I always feel left out
Like I'm not really there
All I want is to be loved,
For someone just to care.

It doesn't matter who you are
If you'll just notice me
But this pain I feel inside
If only you could see.

I sit here all alone
And in the dark I cry
And you don't even care enough,
To stop and wonder why...

So left out of everything
Left with nothing inside
So I don't show you anytihng
And these tears I hide

I can't figure out why I'm here
Or who I really am
And the way that you ignore me
Is more than I can stand.

So here I'll always be
Cause I mean nothing to you
And if I go and hurt myself
There's nothing you can do.

So I fake it and I smile
And I act like nothing's wrong
And you stand there and believe me,
Until I'm really gone.

So in there final words
With which I'll end this night
The way you treated this girl,
Was never really right.

Fin.

Cold,cold
Torn up,let down
Alone, alone,
Sitting here you frown

You say to yourself,
Why, why?
And sitting here,
Alone you cry

No! No!
You want to scream
But then again,
What would it mean?

Cry cry
You're here alone
By yourself,
In your room

Knife in hand,
Blade on flesh,
Don't you stop
To think of death

Go,go
Your mind speaks
But this is not
Relief you seek.

Too late you hear
A friendly voice
No way back,
You made the choice.

You cry again
The voice is there
So suddenly,
You stop and stare

He looks so kind
You want to trust
In him and then
You know you must

He takes your hand
He comforts you
He helps you learn
What you should do

You cry again,
In his arms
He protects you
Safe and warm

So Finally
Your anger's gone
You thank him for
What he has done

You see him smile
And shake his head
You wake, astonished
In your bed

You look around,
You're breathing hard
And on the chair
You see a card

"Please remember
These things tonight
And they will help you
Win the fight."

"The fight?" you ask
Confused of now
But then you stop
And think of how

You smile and then
Thank him again
Close your eyes,
And go back to bed.

Fin

I saw you standing there today..
I saw you there with her...
You looked the same as I remember...
Tall, handsome, strong...
You looked as though you were arguing with her...
You were distanced as we were when we fought... Back when you were mine...
I want to ask, to comfort, to know... But it's neither my right or place...
So here I'll sit... wondering, waiting...
Until the day I hear from you again...
You're my first love.
Loved you then, love you still.... always have, always will....
I'll never forget you, my Love....
Even though you're no longer mine...
I'm trying to move on....
But it's hard...

So, I was at a friends house watching a movie, when I get a text from my dad (who's a police officer). He's freaking the heck out because apparently ssomeone called the cops and was going to have my car towed because I apparently was in a no tresspassing zone. I had no idea. I didn't see the signs until after I got back to my car and they were pointed out to me. You have noo idea how badly my heart was racing.

Exactly what I mean damnit! you seem so distant now! Why... why can't you just...