It's never a happy time for me. There's always stress, and frustration, and work is always stupidly busy, and everyone is rude. I want it to be over because I don't have the money to buy everyone the shit they beg for because it's fucking expensive and you know what I get? Nothing of importance. Nothing that can be considered a Christmas gift. I'm done with the anger this season brings. Let me hibernate until spring.

It was familiar and nostalgic... We spoke as we always did... Your voice that of my imagination.. For rarely had I heard yours... Your quiet tones and manners of speech seemed so familiar... How I missed you so... My mind has been filled with you ever since... How I wish to know how you are... Forever elusive and out of my reach... I can only hope to dream of you again soon...

The way things are looking, I'm going to be writing lyrics and singing in my friend's band. I'm excited and very hopeful.
This has the potential to be amazing.
I have a rough draft of a song right now. I need one more verse, a chorus, and maybe a bridge.
I really need a day off work... in the middle of a 17 day stretch with no days off.
Also why is it so fucking hard to get a hair appointment? I just need it cut, not dyed and styled.
Anyway.
New phone number and phone too, so no more dealing with irritating exes.

To wait for a response I'll never receive.
I know I wont.
I never do.
Why do I fucking care,

Everything feels pointless.
I'm stuck in a dead end job that refuses to pay me what I deserve
I'm stuck in this house with bills that push me to the point of broke that I don't eat.
I can't afford to get to and from work..
I'm almost to the point of just sleeping in my car and crashing someone's house just to shower and whatnot..
I'm tired all the time..
I'm depressed...
I want so much to do something retarded...
I wont.. I never do..
But I want to see the blood dripping from my arm.. I want to watch it gather in drops and slide across my skin..
I want to drink myself stupid and forget everything..
I want to get fucked off my head on something...

But I wont. I never do. I never will.
I'm a wimp who worries too much about consequences.
So fuck me.
Fuck life.
I want to die.

I finally have a new laptop, so the mic in my Turtle Beaches works properly and the sound quality is pretty good.
I'm thinking about creating a second tumblr blog just for my vocal shit.
I'm starting with song covers for now.
I kinda wanna get into voice acting, but you know.
I need to actually know people to do that.
I might do dramatic readings of some of my favorite fan fics or my own poems.
Let me know if there's something you tihnk I could do better or, hey, even if you want to commission me for some thing (Yeah. Like that's gonna happen.)

Only make me think of her... It is exactly something that I can see her enjoying and loving... and that kind of breaks my heart. I don't know why.

P.L.U.R.
Blood on the Dance Floor

Right. Just like everyone else. Thanks alot. For getting my hopes up then doing the exact same thing again. This hurts a whole lot fucking more than you realize or believe.

Is a life saver.

And here it is over a month later...
Seriously, I can't take this...
I need the stability...
I need the consistency....
And what do I get...?
NOTHING

I'm so happy!
And the hipster jokes I've gotten from this are going to make me shoot sometihng.
Yes, My new job is in fact at Starbucks.
It was so great.
I put in the application online. Two days later I got a call about having an interview. Interview was 4 days after that.
Interview went great. Was told there would be a second interview done over the phone. Got the call about the second one and had it 2 days after that.
3 days after the second interview I receieved the call saying they were offering me the job.
I had a hard time not screaming.